This Is It. This Is The One.

Its here. Its upon us. The worst Monday of the year. You see this GIF? This is you. This is all of us. Last Friday – maybe Thursday – hey maybe even Wednesday if you’re a blogger – your weekend in paradise began. You went to the Hamptons, you went to the Jersey Shore, you went to Nantucket, Cape Cod. You went to Ocean City. Maybe you didn’t go anywhere, but you just had 3 or 4 days off barbecuing in the sun. Drinking summer shandies. Watching Independence Day on repeat for 24 hours on Encore. If you’re lucky, you got laid. That’s you – right there – licking your ice cream cone. For a few short days this past weekend, you were like a little kid. Your vanilla cone was delicious. You were ooh-ing and ahh-ing at fireworks. You smelled like sunblock and sand and your only concern was taking a hot shower with sunburned skin. And then Monday comes and just OBLITERATES your face and smashes your hopes and dreams. Monday has come along after a 3 or 4 day bender and punched you right in the fucking cock.

And now its back to work on a Monday. A full week of work ahead of you. No days off for 2 months. You got the shakes from your hangover, you were dry heaving on the commute, and you have roughly 250 unread emails from all the work you blew off on Thursday and Friday yesterday. Opening your email is a soccer ball to the face. That first conference call is a punch in the dick. Its Monday and you should probably kill yourself.

PS – Before you jealous assholes start talking about how my job is a joke and I should stop complaining and blah blah blah – I would 5,000% rather be in a cube than blogging today. FIVE THOUSAND PERCENT. Its not even close. Just grab a bagel in the morning, eat it at my desk and do absolutely nothing until 5pm. Dick around for 8 or 9 hours straight, do no work, and just go home. Infinitely better than sitting here trying to perform and be funny 15 blogs in a row when all you want to do is die.