The Single Most Dramatic Article About Arod’s Suspension

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CBSSo it is written. A-Rod has lost, despite the fact that he’ll now appeal. Not just in the court of public opinion. Not just in a court of law. Not just in the clubhouse, filled with newfound cynics who can’t believe a word he says anymore. Not just in his bulging bank account, which he cherishes above all. And not just in the record books, where his name will be glazed in a rainbow of provisos and dotted with a galaxy of asterisks. Alex Rodriguez has lost his platform and prerogative to advise, to surmise, to sermonize on any matter that requires a modicum of nobility. He has lost his line of credit with mankind. It feels odd to call him A-Rod anymore. Once it was a handle of endearment and accomplishment and recognition he has since forfeited, like the cash and cachet he earned under a fraudulent premise. And maybe stripping his campy moniker, as much as anything, frames his tattered legacy. It turns out Rodriguez not only wore a helmet, but also a mask. And stripped of the gaudy numbers and bronze body and swollen wallet, it appears that Rodriguez has very few friends — just the henchmen, yes men, and sycophants who helped him grow too large for his now crumbling body and the sport that made him so superficially rich and so spiritually bankrupt. So instead of the emblem of decency, he was the avatar of deception. Instead of bringing clean veins to the game he adored, he stained it beyond our most vivid nightmares. Instead of being the quintessence of the American Dream, he was trampled by it. Rodriguez is, in every profound sense of the word, a junkie

I know I’ve basically made a living off of making fun of Arod here on Barstool New York. Dude has been a bonafide idiot for like a decade straight. Sucks at cheating. Sucked at baseball. Off the field acted like a total slug. But the hysteria in the media the past week or so as this suspension came down was downright laughable. Completely and utterly absurd. And this article was the exclamation point.

Is this dude fucking kidding me? “Alex Rodriguez has lost his platform and prerogative to advise, to surmise, to sermonize on any matter that requires a modicum of nobility. He has lost his line of credit with mankind.” Hey bro take it easy with thesaurus.com! “The Avatar of Deception” “Rodriguez’s Henchmen” “Rodriguez is, in every profound sense of the word, a junkie.” Is Arod a baseball player or a fucking comic book villain? I mean give me a goddam break with all this hyperbole. The only thing worse than these idiot ballplayers who absolutely suck at cheating are the asshole writers who opine (I can use thesaurus.com too) about them like they are fucking cold blooded rapists or something. This article reads like an editorial about the goddam Boston Bomber or something. The dude cheated at the game of baseball. Took drugs so he could hit a ball further. He cut corners and took advantage of the system just like zillions of people do in every industry in existence. People love to talk about Arod’s dignity and self respect like he sold his soul to the devil himself. Like he’s in cahoots with Al Qaeda and profiting off of terrorism.

Calm the fuck down. Arod doesn’t give a shit about his “legacy” and neither should you or any baseball writer. He’s a professional who did whatever he could to get as much money as he possibly could. Nothing more, nothing less. Lets all stop acting like the rulebook of Major League Baseball and Bud fucking Selig decide who the moral members of society are.

Years back when Arod first got busted for steroids I remember Johnny Damon did an interview where he said murder is worse than steroids. Intimating we should all kinda calm down because its not like Arod killed a man. At the time he was the laughing stock of the internet for such an idiotic statement. Now its like a complete valid statement. Thats how overly ridiculous and dramatic baseball writers have gotten with the steroids crusade – that retard Johnny Damon is like the voice of reason. Spare me the self righteous dog a pony show, you assholes.

Or at least start calling football players and other athletes busted for drug use “junkies” and “avatars of deception.”

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