Tan Mom Banned From America, Plans To Move To UK To Get Her Tanning Salon Fix

The Sun - THE American sunbed addict, dubbed the world’s first “tanorexic”, plans to beat bans from US salons – by moving to Britain. Mum-of-five Patricia Krentcil is a fright to behold after years of addiction. She has been branded the States’ worst parent over claims she encouraged her six-year-old daughter Anna to get on a sunbed and has been banned from every tanning salon in her home state of New Jersey. But now Patricia wants to move to London to start a new life — and continue dosing herself with ultraviolet rays. Speaking exclusively to The Sun, she says: “I was born to tan — and there is nothing like the colour that you get from a sunbed. “But in the past year I have been banned from tanning salons. Now I have to spend hours covering myself in tanning lotion to get the colour I want.  “It’s freezing cold here in New Jersey during winter so I cannot spend any time sunbathing in my garden. “I need to get out of this place so I can regain my freedom and live my life the way I want to. There’s no future for me here. “But I love London and am convinced that moving there is the only way my family and I can find happiness again.” Fighting back tears, Patricia admits her tanning addiction has heaped misery on her husband and kids and left them embarrassed to be seen out with her. But she has no plans to quit her habit. She says: “I cannot remember a time in my life when I have ever been pale.

This is the fakest story in the history of fake stories. There is a zero percent chance Tan Mom has been banned from tanning salons in New Jersey. 0%. Thats like banning an alcoholic from a bar. Just never gonna happen. And spare us the nonsense that you’re moving to London. Just do a solo masturbation scene already. We all know that’s where this story ends, Tan Mom. It ends with you getting $50,000 from YouPorn for solo scene inside a tanning bed so you can pay your bills. I’d imagine a Tan Mom tanning salon masturbation scene looks a lot like when you’re a kid and you’re trying to break in your new baseball mitt. Pouring oil all over that brown leather. Kneading it until it moistens up. Pop it in the oven for 20 minutes. It comes out all soft and dark. Opened up, ready to play. Honestly I’m not sure if I’m talking about a baseball glove or Tan Mom’s pussy anymore. Gettin all hot and bothered over here. Jeez! Somebody turn the hose on me!