“Meet the McCallisters the worst family ever. Rejoice in the Christmas spirit as they gang up on this 8 year old boy…then stick him in the attic and leave the country! Witness years of neglect and abuse take their toll on this small child, as he shows all the signs of becoming a sociopath”
This is truly genuinely absolutely perfect. Every single line, every single description hits the nail on the head. “One of the most violent kid movies ever made thats one part Ferris Bueller, one part Saw.” “So bundle up and relive the early 90s joy of Micro Machines, Starting Lineup figures, Johnny Carson, 35MM cameras, land line phones, answering machines and pre 9/11 air travel.” “Trapping 2 non violent criminals inside a sadistic world of torture from which there is no escape.” Starring “The dad from Home Alone.” Just perfect.
And the absolute best is noting how the entire family leaves him all alone again as soon as they get home. Perhaps the most awkward, bizarre and unrealistic thing thats ever happened in movie history.
Buckle up, folks! Its Home Alone Season.