Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Caught Masturbating In Public Who Said He Was Just Fixing A Hole In His Pants?

Huff Po Roosevelt Allen Douglas II, of Hawthorne, Fla., is accused of masturbating in front of a 12-year-old girl, but police say he told them he was just trying to fix a hole in his pants, according to an arrest report obtained by the Gainesville Sun. Douglas, 32, was at the home of the girl on Wednesday, when he allegedly started masturbating in front of her, then showed her some inappropriate text messages. The girl told police that when she left the room, he followed her outside, and later called her and asked her to not tell anyone about what happened. Douglas’ version of he story, according to the report, is that he had accidentally flashed the girl due to a hole in his pants, and he was only touching himself to try and fix the situation. He also allegedly stated that he had shown the girl a text message he had sent to someone else. He was arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition.

Just 10 days ago, Scott E. Smith dropped the best “I got caught with my dick out in public” excuse of all time. “My pants were too small.” Now here we are down in Florida with Roosevelt Douglas II saying he had a hole in his pants. “Officers, I wasn’t jerking off! My dick was just sticking through this hole in my pants!”  Nice try, Roosevelt. But you ain’t Scott E. Smith. There will never be another excuse that even comes close to “My pants are too small” “I got a hole in my pants” is not even a patch on “my pants are too small’s” fanny.

As far as I’m concerned, “My pants are too small” is like the Jordan of exposing-your-dick-excuses. And what happens every other year with MJ? Every other year we’re crowning some newbie the Next Jordan. As a society we’re obsessed with greatness. We’re obsessed with breaking records. We’re obsessed with the new generation dethroning the greats. But it rarely, if ever, happens. “There’s a hole in my pants” is like Harold Miner. Penny Hardaway. Jerry Stackhouse. Right now they seem impressive but they don’t have the lasting power. “My pants are too small” is an immortal as far as dick flashing scapegoats.

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