5. Blog – Man Charged With Disorderly Conduct After Getting Drunk And Trying To Fuck An Ambulance – Commenter: Beatstains – “Unfortunately i’ve fucked a chick as big as an ambulance before” Self deprecating jokes intertwined with fat chicks jokes = crowd pleaser every time.
4. Blog – 10 Years In A Basement For $10 Million, What Are You Bringing? – Commenter: kyleortonsneckbeard – “Thats what I love about a sex slave basement girl thats 18. I keep getting older they stay the same age.” The 10 year basement question was one of the most debated hypotheticals in Barstool Sports history. A real philosophical brainbuster that forces you to really examine what you value the most in life. One of the biggest questions Stoolies were asking clarification for was “Does the 18 year old girl who fucks you stay the same age?” Like all the sudden the basement we’re gonna live in is some sort of fountain of youth chamber where your fuck piece doesn’t age. Its certainly an important distinction to make. Either you end up with a 28 year old girl on your hands in a decade or you just live in sexual paradise like David Wooderson.
3. Blog: 104 Zen Master Accused Of Groping His Students. Commenter – Septic Butt – “The only reason all of us here are not dirty old men is just cause we’re not old yet. We should appreciate him now and not wait till we are older to appreciate his wisdom.” I appreciate the fucking shit out of people who have great self awareness. Septic Butt knows its just a matter of time before we’re considered dirty old men because right now we’re just dirty young men.
2. Blog: 9 Year Old Mexican Girl Who Gave Birth Is Not 9. She’s At Least 12 Or 13. Commenter: Brother – “Mexicans will fuck anything. They came to my house to cut the grass and I bring my dogs inside.” Just absolutely hilarious. Racism, beastiality. This comment has it all. As always with these jokes, the most important part is the truth. He’s right – illegals have pretty low standards. Sometimes I even envy them. They are not ashamed of anything and none of their friends will give them a hard time. They probably crawled through 100 miles of shit to cross the border, you think they give a fuck about their image if they fuck a fat ugly girl? For sure not.
1. Blog: Top Gifts For Both Men And Women On Valentine’s Day – Commenter: Cool Runnings – “KFC what’d you give your girlfriend? A miserable future?” I don’t think I’ve been burned that bad since like 2009 when I first started Barstool New York. Cool Runnings just straight Rump Roasted me. Its true though. My girlfriend straight up hates me. I guess when you really think about it the joke’s on her. Not me. Viva la Stool!
Keep bringing the heat you mutts!
UPDATE: Apologies to OICU812, who had one of the funniest comments of the week. I totally forgot about this because it happened early in the week and I had to sift through hundreds of lame comments after that between Monday and Friday.
Blog: “Couple Addicted To Coffee Enemas Drinks Coffee Through Their Assholes 10 Times A Day”. Commenter: OICU812 – “The best part of waking up is Folgers in your butt.”
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