When You're Driving Around Town Shining Laser Pointers Into People's Eyes, Rule Number 1 Is To Have Weed Stuffed Up Your Asshole

Orlando - A man accused of pointing a laser at drivers in Volusia County was later found with marijuana in his rectum, according to police. Jesse Roepcke, 27, was arrested in Ormond Beach on Sunday on charges of pointing a laser at a driver or pilot, possession or use of narcotic paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and smuggling contraband into a prison. According to Ormond Beach police, officers received a call from a woman who said someone shined a laser in her face while she was driving.  Police said the man, later identified as Roepcke, also shone the light at other drivers as his girlfriend drove him around the city. Roepcke was taken to jail and a bag of a green leafy substance that smelled like marijuana fell out of his rectum during a strip search, according to police.

Pretty interesting guy we have here. I didn’t even know laser pointers were still a thing. I thought they died off with Pokemon cards and Barstool LA. But apparently they are still in business and people like Jesse Roepcke still take joy in riding around town and trying to blind people who are driving. Just good ol’ fashioned fun. Nothing like when that mom in the mini van is making a turn and you hit her right in the eye ball with a laser pointer and she goes barreling across traffic. Now, add in the fact this guy had a bag of weed shoved up his ass when he got to jail. That begs the question- was he driving around with the weed up his ass the entire time, or once he got pulled over he decided he wanted to sneak weed into jail? I am hoping it’s the former, because it’s funnier. Like some people put weed in their glove box, he just goes right for his own anus. It’s more likely though that he was taking the fall for his girlfriend and shoved it all up in his ass. There’s a lot of things I’d do for a girl, that is not one of them. Especially because girls have vaginas where the weed would fit much, much better. But I guess that’s just what true love is.