Oscar Pistorius Might Have To Stay In Jail All 5 Years Because He Doesn't Have Any Ankles

(NSFL? Gross bro.)

 
Metro - Oscar Pistorius might be denied early release from a South African prison because his prosthetic legs could make it impossible to attach an electronic tag. The 27-year-old Paralympian was given a 5 year prison sentence last month for the manslaughter of supermodel girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp, on Valentine’s Day last year. It is thought that Pistorius had been hoping to serve only 10 months in Pretoria’s Kgosi Mampuru prison. The remainder would be served at his uncle’s home in Waterkloof, where a gym and swimming pool are available, allowing the athlete to stay fit should he wish to return to Paralympic action. However, any hopes of this have now been dashed, after South African prison sources said it may not be possible, as he does not have any ankles to which they can attach an electronic tag. Speaking to the MailOnline, they said: ‘The device has to be attached physically to the offender’s ankle.’ ‘We cannot use it on false limbs which could be left somewhere static while the offender goes missing.’ Pistorius is currently incarcerated in an isolated cell, which measures two-by-three metres. It is believed that he is slowly adjusting to prison life, after an initial breakdown in which inmates reported hearing wild sobbing from the athlete.

What a hilarious story. Hey bro, maybe you should have had ankles if you wanted to kill your girlfriend. Day 1 murder stuff. I really hope he has to stay in jail for the full 5 years because of this technicality. It makes sense too. Show me an ankle in that gross picture up there, you certainly can’t. And you very well can’t attach an ankle bracelet to a nub, that’s not how it works. The entire system would fold. Ol’ hippity hop could be leaving his fake legs at one place and killing another girlfriend at another. Can’t risk it. Plus, only 5 years for killing her? What % of couples stuck in dead-end relationships would take that deal right now? 99%?