Michael Phelps Is Racing A Shark…Who You Got?

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CNN - Michael Phelps is fast, but can he outswim a shark?

The Olympian will help kick off Discovery’s Shark Week in July. “He is our greatest champion to ever get in the water: Michael Phelps. 39 world records. 23 Olympic golds. But he has one competition left to win,” a news release from the network reads. “An event so monumental no one has ever attempted it before. The world’s most decorated athlete takes on the ocean’s most efficient predator: Phelps V Shark — the race is on!”

Phelps will appear in two specials, “Phelps vs. Shark: Great Gold vs Great White” and “Shark School with Michael Phelps.”

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I don’t want to be Mr. Hot Take but the only way they should do this is if the shark is behind Phelps, chasing after him. Give Michael a 10 second head start and a paper cut on his foot, and then let Jaws loose. Otherwise, hard pass. We can just look up Phelps’ time, the shark’s time, and then we pretty much have our answer to who is faster. It all changes when you’re in fight or flight mode though. It’s much more interesting if you need to tune in to see if the¬†shark is going to eat Phelpsy for dinner. It’s like when people do tight rope walks but they have a net in case they fall. NO THANKS. If there’s not a chance someone can die, what’s even the point at all? I too can fall off a tight rope. I too can swim in a pool that doesn’t have a shark chasing me. Either go full out, or don’t bother going at all.

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