The Bad News Is It's Brutally Cold In Chicago Again, The Worse News Is That Means More Homeless People Are Shitting On The L

Jen Sanders of Andersonville said she boarded the Red Line at the Argyle stop in Uptown Friday morning and hurried off at the next stop, Lawrence, to change rail cars. The rail car reeked of feces, she said. The “conductor made [an] announcement at Wilson or Sheridan that there must be a foul odor in a car as many were switching cars and he saw us,” Sanders, 39, told RedEye. Sanders said in the 14 years she’s lived in Chicago, she’s switched train cars twice because of feces on the train. Spotting feces on the train appears to more of a regular occurrence lately. The jump in these incidents is a direct result of the recent record cold, when an increased number of homeless people used the round-the-clock nature of CTA service to seek shelter, agency spokesman Brian Steele said. As a result, the CTA has increased nightly patrols with social service agencies to provide homeless people other options during unusually cold periods, Steele said. The Red and Blue Lines are the only routes that run 24 hours a day. “Our security staff, and experts from social service agencies, are working in teams to encourage homeless to take advantage of shelters and social services,” Steele told RedEye. Last week, the CTA hired 15 new rail car servicers, which brings the pool of servicers to more than 130 workers.

Total bad news worse news situation. You’re cold, it sucks, you’re commuting with hundreds of people who hate their lives and watch out! Human shit is all over the train car. That metal box you’re traveling in? Yeah it’s actually a giant toilet for the homeless of Chicago. You’re commuting to work in a porta potty with no blue water. And you know what, I really can’t blame  homeless people. I mean my dog won’t even take a shit outside in this type of cold, why would a person? You just can’t be exposing bare asshole in zero degree temperatures. Sleeping in a cardboard box? Sure. Sitting outside of 7-11 asking for change? Why not. Doing that thing on the L where you make a speech about god and how you need help which makes everyone super uncomfortable and stare at their book/iphone/ipad pretending they can’t hear you? All day everyday. But shit outside when we’re in the midst of a polar vortex? Fuck and no. I got your back homeless people of Chicago, do you, shit all you want on the train, everyone is already suicidal in the month of January anyway, what’s a little human shit out of water.

Let’s just hope she hasn’t been eating too much fiber.

PS

Last week on KFC Radio I mentioned that I am always on the lookout for spots I would hide in if I was homeless. You know night spots where no one can find you (under bridges, deep in parks, behind churches etc), where you can roll out a sleeping bag and not get arrested/shanked. And feits and KFC both thought I was crazy. They’re the crazy ones right? I’m not saying I want to live there I’m just saying I’m doing my due diligence. A little advanced scouting in case my life hits rock bottom. Success is when preparation meets opportunity. That applies to homeless sleeping spots too.