Scan Your Semen With A Smart Phone App To See If You Are Firing Off Blanks

Men trying for a baby with their partners will soon be able to check whether they are fertile with a smartphone app.
Instead of the ‘stress and embarrassment’ of attending a clinic, a would-be father can test his fertility in his own home.
The ‘analyser’, which is not yet commercially available, costs around £3.50 to make out of plastic on a 3-D printer.
Researchers claim that the device makes a male fertility test as simple as a home pregnancy test.

Finally the ability to use your phone to scan your semen. I’ve been waiting years for this. I know what you are thinking. I have two children so, of course, my semen is bad to the bone. Swimmers had no issues.

Having an at-home test would have been clutch when I was getting my vasectomy checked out. After I got snipped, I had to wait two weeks and get my sperm count checked to ensure that the procedure worked. When I got to the hospital, they made me check-in at the nurses’ station and the nurse gave me a little piss cup to spill in. She then told me that I could just go into this closet that they had set up. It was about 10 feet away from the nurses’ station.

I was in there. No cell phone reception. No visual aids. Just me and the nurse who was in ear-shot of me trying to do my business with still partially swollen testicles. Not ideal.

I don’t get shook often, but I was shook as hell trying to pleasure myself to completion in a closet. This nurse sees semen every day. Would the haters and losers, of which there are many, get word that my semen is a little more watery than others? Is it thicker? Dear lord, could I even cum? Spoiler alert: I did and everything was fine. My semen had an extremely low count and the procedure worked.

It would have been so much easier if I could have downloaded an app, printed something from my 3-d printer that I don’t have, and scanned the shit out of my semen myself. Finally, science does something for men.

h/t jane