Rihanna Says All She Wants For Christmas Is A Big Trimmed Dick

Rihanna is known for shocking the world with her head-turning fashions and revealing selfies, but her most recent comments will certainly raise some eyebrows. The 26-year-old “Diamonds” singer takes on Elle magazine in a very candid, and dare we say slightly raunchy, Q&A for the December issue. Among the many things readers learned about the pop star, who surprised everyone by returning to Instagram over the weekend, is that she loves a man in control. When asked, “What’s the sexiest thing a man has ever said to you?” she shot back, “Any man that tells me what to do is sexy!” And although Christmas is eight weeks away, there’s one item on her must-have list. “A big, trimmed d—k!!” she said.

*Grabs scissors*

Well then. I don’t think I’m intimidated by any person on earth more than Rihanna. Is that crazy? She just seems like the type of chick that would snap you in half. Fuck you till you cry. I’m totally ok with that by the way, if Rihanna wants to fuck me until I am literally weeping. Just saying that’s a woman and I’m just a boy, take it easy Ri-Ri, I’m as soft as soft can be.

PS

Beyonce will probably make Jay Z lightly spank her tonight just to try and keep up with Rihanna. So fucking basic.