Monday Morning NFL Rewind - NFC
“Hi I’m Joe Buck and I just learned how to grow a beard, do you like it?”
The games
Green Bay 31, Chicago 23
Let’s get the dirty stuff out of the way so we can have some fun.
This stat sucks.
So does this one.
But as the old saying goes, when life hands you lemons, just make a Jalapeno Poppers jersey out of it.
“Think anyone noticed that I just farted for the past 20 seconds?”
Annnd back to reality
At least we got to see Joe Buck and his weird hipster glasses. Can’t have yet another guy go through a mid life crisis, Joe. Cut that shit out.
Miami 17, Washington 10
BALL….BALL….BALLLLLL….BALLLLLLLL
Interception of the year, yes I know it’s week 1
Vape Boss was in the house
“When your friend gets a big raise and you’re pretending to be happy for him”
*See look at my face, I’m smiling, SEE?!?!”
Just kidding I hate all of your guts and want you all murdered.
Too solid.
Seattle 31, St. Louis 34
Tayvon Austin is the new Devin Hester. Redzone basically has to switch to him every time he gets a punt.
…
Tavon Austin saw Tyler Lockett’s Return TD Took some notes Then took a punt 75 yards to the HOUSE himself #SEAvsSTL http://t.co/lISabD2YwA
— NFL (@NFL) September 13, 2015
…
Nick Foles almost blew this game when he inexplicably had blinkers on and couldn’t see the rusher coming even though he was very much in his peripheral vision.
But thankfully, the Rams rallied and with the Seahawks up 3 in Overtime and 1 yard to gain Pete Carroll elected to run the ball, what an idiot, who runs in that situation.
And of course, when you’re Russell Wilson and lame as fuck on twitter, you get trolled.
Need some Monday morning Nano Bubbles in a big way.
I actually think the Rams can make some noise this year, and you better enjoy it St. Louis, because soon it will just be that awful baseball team and those shitheels that pretend to play hockey.
BAD NEWS, I POOPED MY PANTS IN EXCITEMENT
GOOD NEWS, I REMEMBERED TO WEAR A DIAPER TODAY!!!!
New Orleans 19, Arizona 31
Cardinals rookie running back David Johnson is very fast.
And for the second year in a row I lost money because I said to myself “the Saints can’t be that bad again right? They still have Drew Brees”. Well turns out what they also have is a god awful running game.
It pains me to say this but I think it’s time for Rob Ryan to get his stomach stapled. Gotta start fresh like Rex did.
Didn’t see Cortez out there yesterday but I’m sure he was there somewhere, smiling from ear to ear.
Tennessee 42, Tampa Bay 14
I know someone who can’t wait for Monday Night Countdown.
The Jameis Winston era is officially under way, wait, noooooo, let me have that pass back.
On the flip side you had Marcus Mariota with basically the greatest game a rookie has ever had.
Going for 4 Touchdowns and recording a perfect QB rating. Or in layman’s terms 10 out of 10 in the fire flames department for Mariota.
Have to give credit to the Bucs for rallying and staying in this one though. Oh wait, what was that? They actually got blown out? Oh, I had no idea after Austin Sefarian Jenkins was high stepping into the endzone down 35 in the 4th quarter.
New York 26, Dallas 27
I’m not going to lie, my body was not in shape for Sundays. By Sunday night I was like Dan Bailey, snooze city. Need to pace myself better next week.
So I actually fell asleep half way through this one, but not before Odell Beckham got knocked out, went to the sideline, told the training staff he “didn’t want to talk to them” and then went back into the game.
“Maybe if I grow my hair out all crazy people won’t think that picture of the guy eating pussy wasn’t me”.
Tony broken ankles.
So Dallas.
And for those of you who did stay up you know that the Giants basically squandered this game by throwing on 3rd down with 1:40 left instead of running it, therefore stopping the clock and letting the Cowboys go down the field and win the game.
Sums it up perfectly.
