Missouri Man Breaks Guinness World Record For Fastest Marathon Run While Knitting A Scarf, Also Invents The Worst Sport Of All Time, Long Distance Knitting

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) — A University of Central Missouri graphic design professor has knitted his way into the record books while running the Kansas City Marathon. The Kansas City Star (http://is.gd/mUstzF ) reports that David Babcock finished the marathon in 5 hours, 48 minutes and 27 seconds. Knitting experts measured the scarf he created along the route at just more than 12 feet long.

The Guinness scarf-knitting-while-running-a-marathon record was previously held by Susie Hewer, who runs to raise money for Alzheimer’s disease research. She knitted a 6 foot, 9 inch scarf at the London Marathon in April. Like Hewer, the 41-year-old Babcock hopes that people will donate to the Alzheimer’s Association. Babcock began running and knitting as separate activities about three years ago. He decided to combine them to keep things interesting.

I’m not going to sit here and say this guy is a huge squid and it’s beyond absurd that it wasn’t enough for him to just run a marathon like a normal annoying marathon person, that he had to also knit a fucking scarf and try to break the dumbest world record of all time that literally no one cares about and that he is secretly probably a closet ego maniac that has poor hand eye coordination and can’t play real sports. I’m not going to say any of those things because he did it all for charity which is a classic marathoners move to make everyone have to feign interest in their marathon running. But if he didn’t do it for charity, I would totally say all of those things.