Joel Osteen Was Roasted On The Internet And It Wasn't For His Dumbass Haircut

HOUSTON (AP) — Televangelist Joel Osteen says his Houston megachurch has “never” closed its doors to people seeking shelter as Harvey swamps the city.

Osteen has faced criticism for not opening his massive Lakewood Church as a storm shelter. In a statement to ABC News , Osteen says the church “will continue to be a distribution center for those in need” and is “prepared to house people once shelters reach capacity.”

Joel. Joel. Joel. As someone who went to school for three years to be a preacher, I know a little bit about our pal Jesus’ teachings and I don’t think he’d be likely to pat you on the back for keeping people who were displaced from a hurricane out of your mega church. In fact, I’d believe ole Jesus would think keeping people who are hurting and homeless out is actually bad. I mean, look at this fucking church.

18,600 people can fit in the worship center alone. There are 3 stories of classrooms and meeting rooms. It could house a gaggle of people. Joel using the “as soon as all the other shelters are filled, we will open the doors” and then saying the mega-church has never closed its doors is a wee bit of a contradiction. Every swinging rich dick and tit of note in Texas is giving money, time, and resources to help the people of coastal Texas. But not the Christian leader who constantly spews the message of love, though. He’s waiting until the city and state have exhausted their means. This is where Kmarko has us put allegedly. So, allegedly. If I was Joel, I wouldn’t wanna leave my house either. Seems pretty comfy. He could probably house a few folks there too.

Originally, ole Joel said people couldn’t come to his church because it was flooded and you couldn’t get in. Joel forgot that people like ole Sean Salisbury have phones, I guess. Sean went down to the belly of the beast and bump, set, spiked that theory.

Seems good enough to be a place of rescue but I’m not a FEMA expert.

Moral of the story: don’t be a fucking dick to people when they have lost everything. You have one chance to make the right statement. Don’t miss. If you can help, do. And if you’re rich as shit, get a better haircut. Jesus Christ, Joel.

In summation: