Intense Deer Rescue This Morning In Willow Springs

Absolutely scintillating television this morning from WGN. Half hour live Deer Rescue coverage. Dumb ass deer swam out in the middle of a pond and just sat their like a fucking idiot until someone called the fire department and had them go out and save them. So the two rescuers had to swim about 200 yards out (probably more like 50 feet but whatever) and basically clear a path for the deer to swim back to shore.

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Only the Deer wouldn’t go. So then they tried to push water at him and kick him in the ass to get him going.

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Which also didn’t work. All the fucking Deer had to do was follow the path and he couldn’t.

So finally they just lasso’d him by the face and dragged him to shore, all the while basically water boarding him to death.

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Those head bangs were definitely just someone moving the string like a puppeteer so people thought the Deer was still alive.     …

Then WGN cut away and said they didn’t want to zoom in because they didn’t know how the Deer was doing, which is a loose translation for “The Deer is Dead as fuck”. So in summation we rescued a Deer this morning but in reality we rescued a Dead Deer and now I’m depressed as fuck. Just an absolute roller coaster of emotions.    

RIP Dumb Deer that walked on the ice before it was even close to thick enough to support his weight, maybe look at a calendar next time dude and wait until January. …

@BarstoolBigCat Always in 3’s…..RIP pic.twitter.com/MJmXphddya

— Jimmy Haugen (@JimmyHaugen12) December 9, 2013

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PS

Nailed that joke.