Huntsville, Alabama (Source) – Phillip Sawdey, a 30-year-old Huntsville man was jailed Sunday after he allegedly tried to rob a local coffee shop, but accepted a free cup of coffee instead. According to the Madison County Sheriff’s Office, Sawdey entered a Huntsville area Starbucks at around 7:30 a.m., approached the cashier and demanded money from the register cash drawer. Investigators say the employee told Sawdey that he could not get the drawer open, and offered him a free coffee instead. Sawdey accepted the coffee, then left the scene. He was apprehended in the parking lot. Sawdey was booked into the Madison County Metro Jail and charged with robbery.
Phil, are you fucking serious? How quickly did you give up on you robbery attempt? Jesus man. Have some self respect. A spine. You walk into a Starbucks and go from robbing thousands of dollars to a cup of burnt coffee that probably has the wrong name on it in 2 seconds? Where’s the hustle? Where’s the panache? I mean do you even realize you are the scariest looking person in the world? You look like you eat zombies. Which makes no sense because zombies eat humans, but that’s how terrified I am of you, you’re a zombie eating man. Your face is a weapon. And all you got was a venti blonde roast and a marshmallow dream bar. For shame Phil, for shame.
Ever notice how Starbucks isn’t just snobby with their drink sizes being in Italian, they’ve done it with all their food now too? Rice Krispie Treat, oh no that’s a Marshmallow Dream Bar. Blueberry Muffin, you mean an 8 grain berry roll. Banana, oh no that’s yellow tube fruit. Don’t spell it D-O-N-U-T because in Starbucks its a DOUGHNUT. Seriously, just take a step back and think about the fact that someone consciously wanted to call it a Marshmallow DREAM Bar. Someone is such a snob they wanted to put the word DREAM in a piece of cereal glued together with butter. That guy exists. Unreal.
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