A Chicago high school student is facing misdemeanor battery charges after allegedly spiking the school cafeteria’s spaghetti marinara with hot sauce. Three cafeteria staff members were hospitalized after inhaling fumes from the fiery sauce, according to Highland Park High School spokeswoman Natalie Kaplan. “Several staff and students reported reactions to the sauce, including coughing, wheezing, shortness of breath and skin rashes,” said Kaplan. “The impacted staff members were taken to hospital but no serious injuries were reported.”
Police say the male student behind the peppery prank, whose name and age have not been released, somehow sneaked “Da Bomb” hot sauce into a container of marinara sauce during the first lunch period on May 14. “A student then went through the food line and purchased spaghetti with marinara sauce, and after sitting down and taking his first bite, found it intolerably hot and went back to the food line to advise staff,” said Highland Park Police Deputy Chief George Pfutzenreuter. “Staff pulled the sauce from the line and, in evaluating the sauce, some of the staff members also started feeling effects.” Pfutzenreuter said he didn’t know which type of Da Bomb hot sauce was used in the prank. According to the brand’s website, “Final Answer Hot Sauce” reaches 1,500,000 Scoville units — a level of heat approaching that of law enforcement-grade pepper spray. The alleged perpetrator will be charged as a juvenile on five counts of misdemeanor battery, according to Pfutzenreuter. And the high school plans to install a security camera in the cafeteria food line to fend off future schemes, according to Kaplan.
Boo hoo, we ate a spicy meatball with some inflated Scoville units*. Jesus Christ guys. Grow up. It’s a high school prank. You got your tongue burned a little bit and maybe had a scorched asshole for a couple of days. This isn’t the end of the world. Everyone is going to be fine. There’s no reason to start throwing around misdemeanor battery charges. Not to mention, if you look at the timeline of how things went down here this whole thing is a giant overreaction and ploy to get out of work. Kid eats some sauce that the lunch ladies had been dealing with all day. Kid complains. Lunch Ladies “evaluate” the sauce, then all of a sudden everyone needs to go to the hospital and miss the rest of the workday. K, that makes sense. Fucking babies. Little cayenne peppers and “Da Bomb” hot sauce and everyone starts pretending a biological weapon went off.
This is the biggest crime in Highland Park history right?
*Whoever’s job it is to measure Scoville units on a hot sauce is such a hardo.