Oregon Man Kills His Wife Because She Put The Cap On The Ketchup Bottle Too Tight

BEND, Ore. — An 86-year-old Oregon man on trial for the shooting death of his wife carried out the attack after a series of grievances with his family that prosecutors said included the failure of his stepdaughter to wish him a happy birthday and his complaint that his wife put the lid on the ketchup bottle too tightly. Deschutes County prosecutor Mary Anderson told jurors about Lawrence Loeffler’s complaints during opening statements Wednesday at his murder trial.

Anderson said Loeffler made the criticisms about his family during questioning by officers about the death of 83-year-old Betty Loeffler. The prosecutors said the killing was a calculated act. Anderson said Lawrence Loeffler took the phone off the hook, retrieved a .25-caliber handgun in the middle of the night from the bedroom where she slept and then “set a trap” to get his wife onto the deck at the back of their house near La Pine, a town of about 1,670 people on the east edge of the Cascade Range in Central Oregon.

He shot her once in the neck and then again in the head in what he described to investigators as a “kill shot” to make sure she was dead, Anderson told jurors. While Lawrence Loeffler admitted having planned to kill his wife, defense attorney Jacques DeKalb said his client was not guilty of murder because he was suffering from delusions. “He had no idea what reality was at that time,” DeKalb told jurors. DeKalb said Lawrence Loeffler spent about 10 days in a Bend retirement home after surgery to remove his gall bladder in December, receiving hospice care. He said Loeffler was fixated on the death of his own father and became disoriented, irrational and obsessed with death.

Obviously it’s sad that someone died, and I’m not trying to make light of the situation but at the same time, putting the lid on the ketchup too tightly is kind of fucked up. Nothing more emasculating than not being able to open a jar. It’s soul crushing. If I can’t get a bottle open then I have failed as a man, plain and simple. And look at Larry Loeffler. Does he look like he lifts? Does he look like he can be spending his entire day struggling with a ketchup top? Fuck no. You leave that shit nice and loose or you get shot in the face, ketchup bottle rules 101.

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PS

How about the grand daughter who didn’t wish him happy birthday getting off the hook? Fuck that bitch. Happy Birthday to your elderly grandparents is like the bare minimum of human decency. If you can’t even do that, you deserve to be locked in a room with Lawrence Loeffler, a gun, and the tightest ketchup bottle ever tightened.