Does This Look Like The Face Of A Tennessee Man Arrested For Having Sex With An ATM Machine And Picnic Table?
MURFREESBORO, Tenn. – A man was arrested at a Murfreesboro bar Friday night for attempting to have sex with an ATM and later a picnic table. According to the arrest report, Lonnie Hutton, 49, walked into the Boro Bar and Grill on Greenland Drive and up to the ATM. He pulled down his pants and underwear, exposing his genitals, and then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM, the report stated. Responding officers found Hutton, still nude from the waist down, walking around the bar, thrusting his hips in the air.Officers took Hutton outside and told him to sit at a wooden picnic table.The report stated he “exposed himself again and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table.”Hutton smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech, bloodshot eyes and was unsteady on his feet.He was charged with public intoxication and booked into the Rutherford County jail on $250 bond. Hutton is scheduled to appear in court July 1.
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Let me ask you this. What’s worse, getting drunk and hitting on women and being rude and possibly overly aggressive towards them, or getting drunk and quietly having sex with an ATM machine in the corner of a bar and then maybe adding in a picnic table for a nice night cap? Like I know on the face of it it seems ridiculous to defend Lonnie Hutton here but let’s break it down to it’s fundamental level. He put his penis into an ATM machine. Who did he harm? The next guy to take cash out? Oh man, wouldn’t want that money that is covered in feces and cocaine and germs to have Lonnie’s penis touch it! How gross would that be!
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So who else? There aren’t any kids at the bar, adults know what fucking looks like. So the answer is no one. Yeah maybe he should have saved it for the comfort of his own home but that’s just how being Horny works. Sometimes you need to fuck the closest thing to you, and sometimes that thing is an ATM machine and Picnic table at the Boro Bar and Grill. Lighten up. It’s not like Lonnie killed a guy (he probably at some point in his life has killed a guy).
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