British Man Arrested For Farting In Kid's Face And Then Using Light Chemical Weapons

A ROOFER has gone on trial accused of mistreating a child – by breaking wind in his face.

Gary McKenzie denies the disgusting prank but says he once broke wind in front of the boy’s face accidentally, which he said was funny.

In my day, farting in a kid’s face meant you were an adult. I’m the father of two girls, you better believe the fart game is in full force. Everybody just farting their brains out. It’s what happens when you are a family who loves each other.

This longtime British Stoolie was just a couple of pints deep and decided to break a little wind right in someone’s face as he walked by. Crop dusting, folks. Ever heard of it?

Now he’s in jail for the mistreatment of a child? Just because of farting? Must’ve been some kinda fart. Wish I was there to see the kind of fart that will get your ass thrown in jail. There’s gotta be more to the story to that. Let’s read to the bottom.

He faces three other charges – that he punched the boy on the arm and ‘sucked’ his eye while “play-fighting” and that he held a pillow over the face of another child, which he also put down to “playing.”

Oh. Makes sense. Cant suck on a minor’s eye and then fart in their face. That’s essentially pedophilia with a splash of chemical warfare. Kid’s bound to get the worst pinkeye of all time. No disrespect to Pres.

Although, there is one good thing to come out of the story. Calling a fart a pump is the classiest thing I’ve ever heard.

The alleged victim relived his ordeal in a recorded police interview played to the court.

The boy said: “He pumped. He was right next to me and bending down, he was wearing shorts, his shorts were right next to my face.

“I said ‘why did you do that?’ and he said he did it because he wanted to be nasty.”

He said he had seen McKenzie do a similar thing to another child, and told a detective: “He pulled his pants down and pumped right on their face.

“I knew he had pumped because I heard the noise.”

I knew he had pumped because I heard the noise. The prosecution rests, your honor.