Sam’s Soccer Safe Space for Stoolies

Hi haters,

Before we get to the game I’ve got eight hours on an intercontinental flight to burn and something to get off my chest based on a little online kerfuffle I witnessed this week (in other words if you want to immediate get balls deep in the preview then skip ahead). No, it was not barstool internet-murdering FOX Sports for their asinine obsession with Lebron vs Jordan – though it is somewhat related in the sense it involves Big J journos acting like a little d dummies. This particular episode involves your boy Bill Plaschke of “Around The Horn” fame who got hisself into a little war with soccer twitter this week, and I’m going to touch on it briefly because it is a perfect example the type of interaction that is only becoming more frequent as soccer continues to slowly reverse-transcribe its way into the nation’s DNA (the herpes of the sports world, if you will – albeit with raised red bumps of pleasure not pain).

Anyway, the quick and dirty recap of the situation is this: Billy Boy essentially said that all of Christian Pulisic’s success and accomplishments at Dortmund (in the Bundesliga and Champions League) and for the USMNT in World Cup Qualifying don’t matter, and that he is no different than Freddy Adu – unless or until he does something in an actual World Cup.

We will get to why this is a dumb take on his part (and how many people erred in their responses to him), but since I tend to write these previews off the cuff I just made the executive decision to expand things one step further and, rather than just focus on Plaschke, I’m gonna cover the waterfront of mainstream (ie, non-soccer-specific) media types and offer some thoughts on how people should interact with them online since – while you are under no requirement to follow my advice – time and time again there are easily fixable mistakes being made (often on both sides) during these online tête-à-tête’s.

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The first genus of non-soccer media members is the most basic. They are slightly more advanced than the single-cell organisms that emerged from the primordial soup eons ago only in the sense that they have developed a hindbrain but have yet to grow a fully functional cerebral cortex.

1. Trolls desperate for relevance

Examples: Dan Shaughnessy; Jay Mariotti, Ann Coulter, et al

You know the type. Maybe they they’ve undergone a Benjamin Button-like devolution into a whiney little baby, or perhaps they (allegedly) beat up their ladyfriend, or repeated facelifts are restricting blood-flow to their brain. But either way they are fighting tooth and nail to remain relevant in a universe that has long since passed them by. Like a crackhead, they are dying for somebody – anybody – to give them another hit of that goodgood attention and are willing to bake up painfully idiotic takes in the hopes of getting it.

Recommendation: Do not engage.

No! Do not do this.

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2. Professional hot take machines

Examples: Skip Bayless, Colin Cowterd, et al

When not embracing debate on crucial topics like whether Golden State is worse with Kevin Durant, this humanoid-like species may pretend to disdain soccer here and there but– like every other idea that crossed their brain in the past few decades – this “idea” was simply formulated to elicit maximal reaction from their audience, and has nothing to do with personal feelings or thoughts. This is because they no longer have personal feelings or thoughts, and are instead computers programmed to poop and spew hot takes. Nothing more, nothing less.

Recommendation: Ideally ignore but if not then simply point out how lukewarm their takes really are and leave it at that.

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3. Lazy and/or ill-informed Big J’s

Examples: Bill Plaschke, JA Adande, et al

At last, we have reached the pseudo-intellectual plane upon which resides Big J journos who know enough about soccer to form complete sentences when discussing it, but lack any comprehension of nuance about the game – and far most damningly – tend to wear their know-just-enough-but-not-really-ness on their sleeve like a badge of honor. Plaschke subsequently agreed on twitter that his “take” on Pulisic was in fact incorrect for anyone who knows soccer. However, he defended it by saying this is how the typical (non-soccer) sports fan thinks. However, what Billy Boy does not grasp is that he is not Joe Six-Pack. He is a sports journalist with a nationwide audience whose job it is to understand the sports that Americans care about. I repeat: this is his JOB. He has instead decided to be willfully lazy about wrapping his brain around soccer, which is his prerogative, as it is our prerogative to call him out for being lazy and bad at his job.

AT THE SAME TIME, the good people of soccer twitter are way way way way way too quick to jump down these journalist’s throat anytime the latter has the temerity to offer an opinion on soccer. Unless you are trying to retard the growth of jogo bonito in America, this is counterproductive. So while someone like Plaschke is being willfully lazy about doing his job, which deserves being called out, people who instantly attack him (this includes both the “omg ur dumb” as well as the “stick to sports you understand” crews) are doing themselves and their fellow soccer fans a disservice.

Recommendation: Engage civilly. Point out why Bill’s take is incorrect and why his approach is shamefully lazy, but leave it at that. This goes for non-journalists who dip their toes in the soccer pool and seem genuinely willing to learn more about the sport. Most importantly, chill with the personal attacks. They do nothing for nobody.

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This is not a “please like my sport” rant. It is a “let’s act like adults and let the sport grow organically rather than needlessly stifling it” rant. And trust me, there are way more species and sub-species of soccer hating journalists that we could discuss but we’ve got more weighty matters to get to… namely pounding that Mexican ass into bolivian this evening, so for the time being enough of this nonsense but before we get to the good stuff, time to get yourself in the right frame of mind:

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Nice little bonus reminder, in case you somehow forgot, that Rafa Marquez is indeed a dirty skank.

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USMNT

Mexico vs USA
Time: 7:30 pm CT
TV: Fox Sports 1 (and Univision)
Location: Estadio Azteca

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Two wins and a draw in the three games played in the Bruce 2.0 era has put us right back in the mix, though Panama (who was always going to be the biggest threat to grab one of the automatic slots from CONCACAF’s “Big Three”) is right on our ass so getting points whenever and however is still the name of the game.

Now it’s time for the big one. On paper, the toughest game in the entire Hex. Mexico is perfect so far in this round save for a scoreless draw at Panama, and sits atop the table. Math nerds would say this game is a “must-win” for neither team but that’s why they are math nerds and will never have secks. If we are playing Mexico, it’s must-win. Period. So let’s take a look.

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El Tri

I’m not going to lie to you, Mexico is good. Add to that playing on the road at altitude (where a number of guys seemed to struggle on Thursday against T&T), and this is gonna be a tough one.

This rivalry has been punctuated by long stretches of dominance by one country and then the other. Mexico wiped the floor with us between the 1930s and 1990s until the US started to take the sport seriously, after which the countries have tended to go on alternating 2-4 year undefeated stretches. After a six-game loss-less streak (from August 2011 through April 2015), the USA has lost two consequential games in a row, including the CONCACAF playoff for a berth in this summer’s Confederations Cup and then the qualifier in Columbus in November. History suggests Mexico is likely to put together another 2-3 undefeated run before the US grabs the upper hand again. But streaks and trends were made to be broken.

Mexico has all sorts of attacking talent, including established stars like Chicarita and Gio Dos Santos as well as their own baby-faced assassin in Hirving Lozano (rumored to be heading from Pachuca to Manchester City), who was in fine form against an overmatched Honduras last week. What’s more, Mexico has the best defensive record in the Hex so far, having conceded one goal (albeit to us).

Injuries could be a bit of an issue for the Mexicans though, with would-be starters Andres Guardado and Miguel Layun potentially sidelined. On the other hand, Marquez may also have to miss out due to a knock, which would be a big blow to the USA.

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USTMNT

Now as for the more important team: us.

All the whispers suggest that Bruce is going to be a number of changes from the XI that started against T&T, which was this:

In fact [UPDATE], Arena just told FOX that he expects seven – SEVEN? Seven – changes between Thursday and today. Yikes. Well, let’s first start with a quick and dirty rundown of who played well and who did not against the aforementioned island nation:

– Pulisic, Nagbe and Yedlin were all over the place.

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– Fabian Johnson, for the second game in a row, had a bit of a howler. There’s no obvious explanation for why he’s been struggling lately, but hopefully he snaps out of it (if/when he plays anyway) because we are gonna need our best players to play their best tonight.

– Jozy Altidore did not “cover himself in glory” but did have a well weighted pass to put Pulsiic in for the second goal. Nevertheless, way waaaaaaay too many bad giveaways and sloppy attempts on/at/near net.

– Cameron has been extremely solid and Brooks has been good – for the most part – next to him, but the latter did completely lose his mark one time to give T&T their best look all game (though Kenwyn Jones wasted it by slamming his header off the crossbar).

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KEY QUESTIONS

• How many defenders? A lot of people seem to think Arena should switch to a three-back system. I think that is asking for trouble given how little experience the team has with it and how (UN)comfortable they looked when JK tried to implement it against Mexico last fall. We shall see. My guess is the coach will play it safe and stick with four at the back.

• How many strikers? Just a matter of confidence. Will the US stick with two up top as has been the case recently, or will they get a little extra conservative – BUILD THAT WALL! – and drop a striker? I’m not positive but switching to something like a 4-2-3-1 sounds like a quintessential Arena-on-the-road move.

• Liga MX-heavy lineup? Guys like Omar Gonzalez and Paul Arriola play domestically in Mexico, which may give them an edge experience-wise. I’m not big on that line of reasoning though, and would rather we go with the best XI. I’ll hazard and guess that Gonzo starts (instead of Brooks) next to Cameron at CB. Not a big fan of this.

So here’s my best guess for the XI:

STRIKER(S): My guess is Arena goes with just one up top, and gives Altidore the nod while saving Dempsey and Wood as subs if need be. Not a big fan of this either as I’d prefer we play with two up top to give Mexico something more to think about… then again, considering how bad Altidore and Wood looked together eight days ago its hard to get too excited about that as an alternative. [UPDATE] Arena suggesting seven changes suggests to me he is going to go with Bobby Wood up top. Means some extra speed to potentially stretch Mexico defense. I don’t hate that.

MIDFIELD: Michael Bradley completed 41 of 44 passes on Thursday, which his supported will point to as a good thing. One might just as easily ask how the hell he managed to not complete three passes when the only guys he ever passes to are to the side or behind him. But as far as clogging up the midfield goes, given his experience there is little doubt that he’ll be in the XI. Assuming Arena continues to err on the side of caution with the 4-2-3-1 formation, don’t be surprised if Kellyn Acosta slots in next to Bradley as the defensive MF pairing. Above those two, Pulisic is locked in (or at least he better godamn be) and there’s no reason why Nagbe should sit when he’s been playing so well. The last midfielder is a question mark. If Fabian Johnson were in better form he’d be a shoo-in, but as is I’m not so sure. I’d probably prefer to give him another shot since you can’t teach talent, but I’m guessing Arena defers to Arriola’s Liga MX experience over both FJ and Ale Bedoya.

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DEFENSE: Cameron is locked in and I’ll take a stab and say Gonzalez starts next to him. Yedlin is also set in stone on the right. Jorge Villafana has been good not great on the left but was a bit off the pace against T&T from the start, and tired quickly. Seems to be a lot of talk about Old Balls Beasley getting the start. Not sure how anybody who realizes it is 2017 and not 2002 isn’t pretty nervous about that… so while I’d

KEEPER: Timmy.

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PREDICTION:

Mexico [-185]
USA [+525]
Draw [+315]

Tough call. If the teams played 10 times right now (at Azteca) my guess is it’d results in five wins for Mexico, three draws and two wins for the good guys. If the US shows up and plays as well as they did for 90 minutes against T&T again today we probably would lose by two goals. Gotta avoid defensive breakdowns and have to finish better. Easier said than done. My cerebellum is saying 3-2 Mexico and my hindbrain says 1-1 draw, but those both go out the window because of this:

You are either with the Babyjesus or your against the Babyjesus. Doubt him at your own damn peril. Ride or die time, Bs & Gs.

USMNT to win DOS a CERO(+1).

Important note: for some reason I still see lots of people referring to the “Pulisic Hype Train” as if it is still a thing. Ummmm, no. Don’t be dumb. That train was officially retired in March. There’s a new one in town and I’d appreciate it if you made sure to sort out anybody somehow confused about this fact.

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And there we have it. It’s not going to be a walk in the park – but gotta hope somehow, some way the boys find a way to get it done. Remember the Alamo (aka November)! Time to make Azteca our bitch. LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

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