Bad News Everyone – The Avalon Passed Away Over The Weekend. RIP 2000-2013
I got the call no parent wants to get. The 2 am wake up (it was actually 3 in the afternoon, its called dramatic effect, learn it) that you always dread. Curtains for the Avalon. It’s incomprehensible. According to the insurance adjuster the repairs are more expensive than the cost of the car, which I guess means the repairs are infinity + 1. Anyway I’m now lost as a person. Owning that car was a life statement. It was me telling people that I’m sophisticated. That I enjoy luxury, fine caviar, champagne, and exotic pelts. That’s what people knew me as, the guy that drove the Avalon, the guy that appreciated the finer things in life. Now I have nothing. I’m a man who enjoys luxury but possesses no luxurious items. I’m completely out of place. I’m like a 7 footer who can’t play basketball. A black guy who isn’t fast. A Mexican who sucks at boxing or lawn care maintenance. A fat chick that gives terrible blow jobs. I have no identity. If someone saw me on the street they would think I’m poor, and nothing is worse than poor. I don’t know how Big Cat is going to get his groove back and that scares me more than anything.
I made a video so we can all mourn together. I think it came out great.