You Know What Can Go Right To Hell? The "Hand Salad" Can Go Right To Hell.

Hey, hand salads, you guys can fuck off. Yeah, I said it and I’m not taking it back. I’m not a pussy, I’ll tell a “hand salad” to eat shit and die then sleep like a baby tonight.

And look, I’ll be totally honest, this isn’t even about the content of the hand salads character. That picture looks kinda delicious (might be saying that because I haven’t eaten lunch yet and it’s 1 PM) if we’re being perfectly honest. I’ll eat anything as long as it’s covered in a fattening sauce and that includes leafy greens which help me sustain life. Sure, I’d prefer chips and salsa or something of the unhealthy, fried variety, but that hand salad still looks rather refreshing there.

Where my problem lies is the name. I can’t respect something named a hand salad. It’s like a person named after a city or a team that wears gimmicky uniforms, if you want to be taken seriously then you need to be act seriously. Hand salads aren’t serious, they’re viral videos from the early-2000’s that high schoolers huddle around. If you want to stake a claim to the appetizer section there are a lot of staples ahead of you and calling yourself “hand salad” isn’t doing anyone any favors. It’s just making me angry at white people, because this is the most white people bullshit since whatever we did yesterday, and self-racism is the most dangerous kind.