Woman Opens Up "Cuddling Shop" And Gets 10,000 Customers In The First Week

(Source) — Professional cuddler Samantha Hess has opened a pro cuddling shop, where for $60 customers can get an hour’s worth of spooning and “the level of human contact that we want or need in order to be our optimal selves.” Located in Portland, Oregon, the shop is called Cuddle Up To Me and is already very busy. “This business has taken off,” Hess told Fox 12. “I’ve gotten as many as 10,000 emails in a week.” Hour-long sessions cost $60 dollars and include hair strokes, hand-holding and a plethora of different cuddle positions.

Lot of feelings about this one. First of all, Samantha Hess is cute in a “chick with huge arms from the Northwest who opened a cuddle shop” kind of way, but she’s not someone with whom I’d be willing to skip sex for heavy petting. Second, if I’m going to be paying to cuddle, I need a better environment than that. It’s like an Army cot in a doctor’s waiting room. Absolutely nothing pleasant about that picture, certainly wouldn’t be able to relax with some psycho holding me in front of two plastic plants. But you know what I will say? I’m fucking down with cuddling. Yeah, that’s right. I’m man enough to admit it. The angle for this blog should probably be some “No sex?!?! What?!?! I don’t cuddle because I’m a man!” nonsense. But to hell with that, I’ll cuddle the fuck out of you. If you’re hot and there’s something good on TV, I’ll cuddle your ass on the couch all night. I’ll cuddle you so hard you’ll be begging for more. I’ve got a nice soft belly like an extra pillow that warms your back up and everything. I’m a giant teddy bear. So I’m not against cuddling, but you need a better business plan. Namely, be more attractive and don’t have the cuddle sessions in a tiny, creepy room that looks like where a pedophile stores his victims.