We Have A Chick Sitting Right Next To Our Office Bathroom And It Is A PROBLEM

As Barstool continues to expand there are a lot of changes around here aka we’re hiring people who aren’t just white males. We’ve got a chick in the office now, one aside from the CEO who doesn’t get to have her own office, and she sits DIRECTLY next to the bathroom. I’m talking ten feet from the door. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Now I’m not saying that she’s gonna be whipping out her stop watch every time she hears the lock click, but I’m a guy who likes to take his time in there. I’m a 15 minute shitter, minimum. If I find a good article then we can easily eclipse 30 minutes. You’re telling me that I have to look the attractive marketing gal in the eye every single time I come out? We have to have this unspoken nod like, “I know what I did right in your grill. You know what I did in your grill. Let’s just ignore it”? That’s brutal. Five times today I’ve walked over to take a shit (shoutout to Yankee Stadium food and beers) then gotten cold feet, walked into the bathroom and stood there for an acceptable amount of pee time, then walked out. I feel like I’m going to explode and I’ve got no idea how to remedy this situation. Do I frame her for something and get her fired? Just shit? Never shit again? What’s the fucking move here because I’m all sorts of twisted up inside.