WAIT! The Herald Is Reporting That Lester Is Still Making The Decision! (They're Just Really Old And Dumb)

(Herald) — SAN DIEGO — Say this for Jon Lester: He’s dramatic. For a second consecutive day and into the night, Lester kept fans and team executives alike guessing about where he will play next season and beyond. Red Sox officials, who met with Lester’s agents again yesterday, remained hopeful, while their San Francisco Giants counterparts were pessimistic. And Chicago Cubs manager Joe Maddon shrugged and said he had no earthly idea when the whole soap opera would reach its denouement. “You just wait for the white smoke,” Maddon said.

Poor fucking newspapers. So old and decrepit, just wandering this earth with their shaky bones trying to remain relevant. Bunch of old men with cigarette stained fingers, hovering over typewriters with “PRESS” badges in their top caps while yelling “We’re the real journalists!” and typing up a “The drama is building! Jon Lester is still deciding between Chicago and Boston!” story 20 minutes after the world found out that Lester is going to Chicago. It’s nice to laugh when you’re sad and the Herald just gave me a big, hearty chuckle. Old ass mothafuckas. Now, back to tears.