Tom Brady's Chef Gave An Interview Today And I Literally Don't Understand What He Eats
Listen, folks, I think it’s official that Tom Brady is going to play forever. I’m only half kidding. This diet isn’t the diet of a man, it isn’t the diet of a god, it’s the diet of a football playing machine. Tom doesn’t want his joints to get inflamed (I guess?) so he doesn’t eat normal vegetables. Doesn’t eat fruit because it has too much sugar. His goddamn cheat meals are a couple of tomato trickles and a banana. He eats lentil and buckwheat sandwiches with a pinch of pink salt from the Himalayas. What do any of those words mean in that succession? I have no fucking idea. I just know it’s rocket fuel and it’s going to make sure that my quarterback never ages and never dies. It’s no HGH and I’m sure it takes harder work, but the plus side is you stay sexy and don’t get a grotesquely over-sized head. Tom Brady thinks that tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, eggplants and fruit are too unhealthy while I truly considered eating Chinese food out of my garbage at midnight last night. We’re slightly different people.
PS – I wouldn’t be being fair and balanced if I didn’t say I’m suspicious of this Himalayan pink salt. Can’t bash Manning taking HGH all week then let some sodium blessed by monks fly under my radar. I think that’s the key that holds this whole thing together. Himalayan pink salt. If you want to be a god, you gotta have it.