This Airplane Armrest Divider Is For People That Have No Spirit of Competition or Sense of Pride
SOURCE – It can be the cause of a fair amount of agitation – the passenger next to you on the aeroplane has commandeered the whole of the arm rest. With a response of casually edging you elbow in, or uncomfortably sliding your arm down the side of your seat, it’s not an ideal situation to find yourself in. But one company may have found an answer to the conundrum – and all it involves is setting up is a paper divider. Soarigami is a clip-on, origami-style armrest divider that looks like a paper airplane and frees up twice the space of a regular armrest. The invention also folds easily back into your bag, not taking up valuable space in your cabin luggage allowance.
I hate everything about this idea. Fighting for the armrest on a plane is the truest remaining test of hunger, testicular fortitude, and the championship spirit in our society today. It separates men from boys, wheat from chaff, winners from losers. The second you hand your ticket to the gate attendant and step into the jetway you should only have two things running through your mind: 1) the Darth Vader/Evil Empire music from Star Wars, 2) how you’re going to win that fucking armrest.
Whether you’re the first one to you seat and watch everybody else roll up the aisle or you approach your row and find your adversary already waiting for you, you start scouting: male or female, big or small, speed or power, brains or brawn? You’ve got to see it, formulate your plan and then execute all in the blink of an eye. It doesn’t matter that you’re on United Airlines Flight #Whatever, as soon as your headphones are on and your ass hits that seat you might as well be on the hills of Gettysburg or in the trenches at the Somme: on that day, that armrest is your great battle. You can be a hero or a coward; stand and fight or turn and run; taste the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat. If the person next to you thinks they’re gonna break out some shitty paper divider and amicably split up the space just because it’s courteous, convenient and comfortable for all parties involved they’ve got another fucking thing coming.
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Obviously none of this applies if you’re sitting next to a hot girl. In that case you spend the next however many hours hoping that holding in all your farts doesn’t make you sweat too much and waiting for the moment that she looks over at you and asks if you wanna go to the bathroom and fuck. So far I haven’t had any luck on the copulation front, but I also haven’t got past the “not farting and sweating” step so that’s on me.