There's an 8 minute surgery to get superhuman sight. Where do I sign?
SOURCE -“A new bionic eye lens currently in development would give humans 3x 20/20 vision, at any age. The lens, named the Ocumetics Bionic Lens, was developed by Dr. Garth Webb, an optometrist in British Columbia who was looking for a way to optimize eyesight regardless of a person’s health or age”So you’re telling me I can go from subhuman sight to superhuman? Let’s get this done people. This would be like transforming Clark Kent into Superman, if Clark Kent was less attractive and Superman was just a guy who could see really well. Although, I do have to weigh my options. Do I trade my newfound popularity as a lovable misfit for the gift of sight?
Pros vs. Cons
Pro: Not having wallets thrown at my face
Con: Losing my job because my only value here is as the “blind guy”
Pro: I’ll be able to drive and can stop riding with the dregs of society that make up public transportation
Con: I’ll lose the joy of watching KFC get berated for “bullying” me
Pro: Every time I send a tweet including the word “see” or “watching” I won’t get dozens of the same recycled blind joke
Con: My inability to hit a baseball or clumsily tripping over an air conditioner can no longer be blamed on my sight
Pro: I’ll be able to make eye contact with people
Con: I’ll be able to see the grime that covers the Barstool HQ bathroom that I’m currently able to pretend doesn’t exist
Pro: I’ll actually be able to see what all this Dana hype is about
Con: I won’t get away with checking out her ass
Clearly I’ve got some thinking to do. The real question is will my biggest supporter pony up the cash to get this done.