The Bacon Queen Has Been Announced. I’d Also Like To Announce That I’m Over Bacon


DES MOINES, IowaThe smell of bacon was in the air Saturday as thousands converged on Iowa’s capital city for an increasingly popular festival celebrating all things connected with the meat.Some people wore Viking hats and others walked around with makeshift snouts for the Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival. The annual event featured more than 10,000 pounds of bacon served in unusual ways, such as chocolate-dipped bacon and bacon-flavored cupcakes and gelato. “I love bacon more than I love my job,” said Katie Nordquist, who was dressed in a tuxedo T-shirt that looked like bacon Saturday for her first time at the festival.

I’m so fucking sick of bacon it’s crazy. I actually like it and I’m about to start boycotting it because it’s gone too mainstream for me. We got Burger King doing bacon sundaes, there’s bacon flavored lube, and bacon lollipops. These are the people who think bacon is the greatest invention in history: disgusting midwesterners. People who wear bacon dresses and think it’s as important as electricity and penicillin. Well I’m over it. Fuck bacon. I’m all sausage, egg and cheese all the time from here on out.

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