The American Who Won Gold For Russia In Snowboarding Should Never Be Allowed Back In the United States

KRASNAYA POLYANA, Russia – Vic Wild and wife Alena Zavarzina have some new jewelry to go with their wedding rings: Olympic medals. He thrust his arms skyward in victory, leading to the unusual sight of an American born near the end of the Cold War being showered with adoration from a highly partisan home crowd of Russian fans. “I’m so stoked to win it for Russia,” he said. “Everybody thinks, ‘But he’s American, he’s American.’ It’s not true. I’m not some dude in the U.S. who decides it’ll be easy for me to make the Olympics in a country that doesn’t do any snowboarding. … I went the hard way.” Zavarzina sprinted to embrace her husband after he captured gold while a large, heavily pro-Russian crowd waved flags and roared its appreciation. After the flower ceremony, Wild and his wife stood side by side holding a massive Russian flag and drinking in the moment. nNeither Wild, 27, nor Alena, 24, considered themselves the marrying types. But that was the quickest way for Wild to gain citizenship and a chance to compete for a country that puts more money than America into this more Europe-centric version of snowboarding. Wild said the choice was easy: Russia wanted him. The United States did not. “If I was still riding (for the United States), I’d be back home with some mediocre job doing something mediocre,” he said. “That’s not what I wanted to be. I wanted to be the best I could be. I’m so stoked to win for Russia.”

Hey Vic Wild. Go fuck yourself bro. I hope winning a gold medal for Russia is worth never being allowed to step foot in the Unites States again. Because that’s exactly what will happen if Obama has any stones at all. Like you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You want to represent Russia? Fine. Live there forever pal. No skin of my back. I don’t want trash like you living in this country anyway. And I don’t even believe Vic Wild is your real name. Sounds made up. Call me in 2 years when you’re living in a suitcase, Putin has killed your dog and declared Prima Nocte with your wife. Won’t be so awesome then.