Somebody Please Explain To Me How Government Shuts Down After Getting This Pump-Up Speech On The House Floor

Hello… Washington, DC? Yeah, I’m just calling to see if anybody there has a pulse? Because I just listened to Coach John Larson’s pre-game speech on the House floor and I legitimately could not be more jacked up right now. Like how was this not every single elected officials reaction to that…

Just an absolute tour de force in pre-shutdown pump up speeches. I’m ready to head down to DC right now and start doing every single person’s job who isn’t working. I’ll stand up for my country, Coach Larson. Just put me in the game. That’s all I’m asking, one shift. I’ll bring it home for you. Lord knows I have a better chance of getting it done than the 3 cadavers they put on screen to make it look like there were people actually on the House floor.

That guy’s wondering where he is

That chick is asleep/dead

That chick has been dead for 10 years.