So It Appears Jenna Marbles Is Gonna Be On Dancing With The Stars Which Means My Next Logical Move Is To Probably Just To Kill Myself

TMZ – The new “Dancing with the Stars” cast could have its hardest bodies yet — a bunch of pro athletes and an Olympian — along with something new … a YouTube superstar, TMZ has learned. Our ‘DWTS’ sources tell us they’re also trying to land a female YouTube star … who we’re told has tens of millions of followers. It’s a smart ploy for a veteran show with aging viewers to pull in fresh, younger viewers.

It’s not that I’m rooting against Marbles to get this gig, but how do I put this? I’m rooting against Marbles. Like as long as she sticks to her weirdo videos that appeal to weirdo 9 year old girls on youtube I’m okay with it. But once she crosses into the mainstream I’m fucked. Because every Monday Night when DWTS is on TV, every Stoolie (and Jerry) are gonna be emailing me just rubbing Marbles in my face. I’m not gonna be able to avoid her  and pretend she doesn’t exist. She’s gonna put me in a cocoon of horror that I can’t escape from. Like I know life is too short. I know I should just worry about myself. I know I should be happy for the success I have. But here is the thing. I can’t. I’m not wired that way. I wish I was, but I’m not. Her mainstream success will probably ruin my life. Just sayin.