Rex Ryan Starts Off His Press Conference By Chirping Brady Because Rex Is Obsessed With The New England Patriots

ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. – In his classic style, Bills coach Rex Ryan stepped to the podium Wednesday and turned an otherwise routine offseason news conference into a headline, taking a shot at Tom Brady’s first pitch at Fenway Park earlier this week.”I think there’s an obvious thing that we should talk about first,” Ryan said, smiling. “My pitch actually made it to the plate. It was a little wide, but I understand somebody bounced it — I’m not sure who it was — but Tom needs to keep his elbow up a little bit more, I think.”

First of all, Rex may want to take a look at the tape before he runs his mouth. Brady’s elbow is perfect. His form is flawless. He was up 0-2 because TB12 is always up 0-2, and intentionally wasted one. Any person with a brain knows that. Those two pictures tell the whole story. Tom looks focused and athletic, Rex looks like a fat dog in the middle of a sprint. So thanks but no thanks on the form advice, Rexy boy. As for just the act of making the comments? I’m seriously becoming a little concerned for Tom and Belichick’s safety. Rex is OBSESSED with them. It used to be kind of cute but somewhere along the way he’s crossed the line and become creepy. Brady and Belichick are the first things Rex thinks of when he wakes up and the last things he thinks of when he goes to bed. He has a shrine made out of their chewed gum stashed away in his closet. Sits in a room rocking back and forth, mumbling “Patriotspatriotspatriotspatriots.” Has their names carved in his walls and that picture of Belichick looking at Tom like a proud father, while he holds his 4th Lombardi, on a dart board. He’s sick. Rex Ryan is a mentally unstable man and Brady/Belichick are the target of his affections. I’ve seen SVU so I know what happens when perverts like Rex don’t get what they want, and it makes me seriously worried about the safety of those two beautiful men.