Reader Email - Pass This Analogy Along To Those Simpletons KFC and Big Cat

Reader Email

Hey Pres, try passing along this analogy so those simpletons KFC and BigCat can understand what you were trying to tell them.

Let’s say there are ten kids who race every week. One kid (Bill) always wins. No matter how long the race is or what the weather is, Bill always ends up winning in the end. The runners aren’t allowed to drink water before the race. However, everybody does and nobody says anything. 7 years ago, one of the runners named Jet tattled on Bill for drinking some water. Even though everyone was doing it, Bill was punished and labeled a cheater.

Now, at the beginning of every race, there is a referee who counts down 3…2…1…Go! The rule is that the kids must leave on Go! But nobody ever does. Everybody leaves on 1 trying to gain an advantage. Everybody knows they aren’t following the official rule, but nobody cares because it’s still on the level.

Now, one day, after losing races to Bill for 15 years, one of the runners, let’s call him Colt, decides that he’s had enough humiliation. You see, Bill not only wins every time, but he also fucks all the other kid’s girlfriends and stuffs all the other runners in lockers. So after losing yet another race, Colt tells the referee and everybody in the crowd that Bill left on 1 and not on Go like the rule states. All the people in the crowd who have supported these loser runners for years are full of jealousy and envy. They bring up the watergate from 7 years ago. They start demanding that Bill never be allowed to run again. Those who are there supporting Bill calmly point out that is ridiculous. Bill wasn’t cheating because he didn’t gain any advantage! Everybody was doing it! Bill won because he was simply Too Big, Too Strong, and Too Fast. To make matters worse, supporters of Colt (KFC and BigCat) start bitching about how Bill’s fans are the only ones making a big deal of this. Of course all they are doing is pointing out how this wasn’t cheating and it’s absurd that people want Bill to never run again.

Hopefully those morons understand this.

Kevin

I don’t want to say this is the perfect analogy, but it is the perfect analogy.