Please Allow Me to Fire Up The Hot Take Machine: I Do Not Like The Marshmallows In Lucky Charms

(Source) — For fans of Lucky Charms things just got a lot sweeter — with boxes of just the hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers and blue moons are now available. General Mills, the manufacturer of Lucky Charms, has fulfilled the dreams of kids and adults who only wanted the marshmallows and suffered through the cereal grain. But there’s a catch. On Wednesday, the company announced that 10 boxes of Marshmallow Only Lucky Charms would be given away to those that enter their social media campaign. Fans must share a photo of themselves holding an imaginary box of Lucky Charms through Facebook, Twitter or Instagram from Wednesday to Sunday.

Ever since I was a young boy all I can remember is preaching about their love for Lucky Charms marshmallows and how they’d kill for an entire box of them. But not me.

I hated, hate, and will always hate them.

To me, in order to like Lucky Charms marshmallows you need to be the guy who chews his ice and popcicles. You need to have teeth made of iron and gums made of rawhide. You need enamel like the forcefield around the alien ships in Independence Day. Just thinking about biting into one of those makes me wince like nails on a chalkboard. At best, they taste like freezedried astronaut food and at worst, they’re little nuggets of diabetes. I can’t imagine why anyone in the world would like them, let alone want an entire box that consisted solely of them.

However, if that’s your bag then I guess today is your lucky day. There are 10 set to be released. I assume they’ll be like a Jordans or a Supreme release for spoiled, suburban white kids everywhere that used to cry to their mom to pick out the oats then cut the crust off their PB&J while she packed his lunch. By that I mean blood will be shed over them. Probably via a golf club, or a stern verbal tongue lashing.

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Don’t worry though. Even I can admit that, that song is fiiiiiiiireeeeee. I’m not a monster.