No Biggie: Just Chinese Pole Dancers Outside Performing in -50C Weather Like It's Nothing

China – For some odd reason, extremely cold temperatures are making people take off their clothes this winter. The latest example of this strange phenomenon occurred yesterday when China’s national pole-dancing team made their annual visit to Beiji [which is] China’s northernmost village and therefore can get quite chilly. This year, pole dancers performed their routines with the mercury dropping down to minus 33 degrees Celsius.

Still, that’s practically a tropical vacation compared to last year when they battled temperatures of 50 degrees centigrade below zero.

In case you needed any further proof that the Chinese are done fooling around … that they’re playing for keeps … here it is.

In the States, we’ve gotten so soft we’re closing schools when the temperatures drop into the teens. The Chinese are sending tiny, athletic women out into the middle of ice planet Hoth just to give boners to rural peasants. Do you have any idea how cold minus 50 degrees Celsius is? It’s like 150 below in regular temperature. Or something. Who cares? The point is, it’s the kind of elements you couldn’t dream up in your worst nightmare.

In Massachusetts, our public transit system completely shut down when all the drivers banged in sick after a couple of days of snow. So there’s not a chance we could ever get the women in our pole dancing industry outside to brave cold like this. We’re lucky we can get them on stage if the A.C. is turned up too high. But these heroes of the Communist revolution handle Arctic elements with like they’re nothing. And why? Because we’ve grown fat and happy and don’t have the drive, the hunger and the pride that the Chinese workers have, that’s why.

This is exactly the kind of thing that Trump has been telling us about China. And now you’re hearing it from me. Our sex worker population has better toughen up fast or we’ll never close the pole dancer deficit. Consider yourself warned.