NFL Teams Want You to Think Their Problem with Colin Kaepernick is He's a Vegan
At season’s end, Colin Kaepernick stated he was fully committed to football. But some teams are unconvinced and wonder about his vegan diet.
— Matt Maiocco (@MaioccoNBCS) March 31, 2017
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I have to hand it to these NFL teams. If they’re going to lie to us, at least give us a good lie. And this one is about as good as they could have come up with.
If you come out and say “We have zero interest in Colin Kaepernick because he’s a blood-splattered public relations nightmare. And no backup quarterback is worth that,” well then you probably open yourself up for charges of collusion and maybe a lawsuit for blackballing (no pun intended) him. Not to mention the hostility of the legions of people who agree with Kaepernick’s politics. He’s a divisive figure to be sure. But by definition being divisive means people are lined up on both sides of the issue. So you can’t say you don’t want Kaepernick for his politics because it’ll start a rock fight with you in the middle.
So, you’ve got to make something up. Something that won’t divide the public and make everyone take your side. And the one thing all decent, God-fearing Americans can agree on is that vegans are monsters. Just the worst creatures ever to disgrace the Earth.
Humankind didn’t claw its way to the top of the food chain just so in the 21st century guys like Colin Kaepernick could eat lentils. On that we can all agree. And don’t “What about Tom Brady?” me. Brady limits his meat intake, but he’s nowhere close to being vegan. Those crackpots don’t use any animal products at all. Not even poultry, fish, dairy or eggs. Comparing Brady to a vegan is like comparing a guy who goes to Mass on Sunday to someone who blows up an abortion clinic because Jesus told him to. They’re the worst kind of extremist culinary nutjobs.
Which is why it’s so brilliant of the NFL to sew those seeds of doubt in people’s minds. It’s a lie, but it’s the perfect one. Because no one will trust a guy who won’t eat tasty animal flesh or delicious egg products to lead other men into battle. We simply will not. Say you don’t like my country. Say my National Anthem is a symbol of hatred, bigotry and police brutality. Say you don’t like my tie. But tell me you’re a vegan and I’ll take anyone else as my quarterback.