New Underwear Promises To Destroy Your Fart Smell Before It Escapes Your Asshole

NYDailyNews – A healthcare underwear company has designed a range of briefs and boxers which use chemical warfare technology to filter unwanted gas. The hi-tech pants, created by Shreddies Ltd. based in Leicestershire, England, feature a highly absorptive carbon cloth back panel which traps and neutralizes flatulence odors. Shreddies say through extensive testing the carbon cloth could filter odors 200 times the strength of the average flatus emission. Suitable for men and women the underwear comes in a range of styles and is designed to fit more snugly than conventional underwear. “Flatulence seriously affects millions of people every day and since 2008 Shreddies has been helping those affected increase their quality of life. We have found the answer to help alleviate the most obvious symptom of flatulence…the odors.”

I absolutely do not get this invention. The smell is not the part of the fart that gets you in trouble. It’s the sound. As long as you fart silently you’re golden because you can always blame it on somebody else. It’s when you make an audible fart noise that you’re cooked. And honestly it doesn’t even matter if it doesn’t smell at that point. Once the horn goes off it’s game, set match. The only way I could possibly see these things helping is if you’re 1 on 1 with a chick, with no dog, and nobody to blame and can’t control your farts. But honestly I think you got bigger problems than a 40 dollar pair of fart underwear can solve at that point.