New Cologne Lets You Smell Just Like A Boston Firefighter

(Newser) – Is there any better way to pay tribute to Boston’s first-responders than trying to smell like them? Probably, but Demeter is putting out a new cologne anyway called First Response—Boston, which has scents “overlaid with white rubber and smoke.” It also has plenty of spices and flowery fragrances, though it comes off as distinctly “masculine,” according to one review noted by Boston Magazine. The company is donating 75% of the proceeds to the Boston First Responders Fund, which helps victims of the marathon bombing. A bottle will set you back $20 or $39.50 depending on size.

Pretty big predicament for me here. I’m a well-documented no cologne guy. But First Response is a game changer. Guarantee this shit works better than 60% of the time every time. Sure white rubber and smoke wasn’t really my ideal scent. But firefighters slide down the brass pole and into a pile of smokes. Seeing as I don’t have the stones to run into a building and be a for real hero, a few spritzes of First Response before I walk out the door is the only chance I got. No more going out wearing Blogger, smelling like pizza and Jergens. I’m all about being “distinctly masculine” with a dick that smells like every pussy from Southie to Charlestown, that’s the life for me.

PS – couldn’t help but think of this commercial. Classic.