Masturbation Breaks At Work Are The New Smoking Break

(Source) — It’s an experimental time for the world of work, whether that’s the introduction of a six-hour working day in Sweden or the never-ending onslaught of hot desking across the UK (we just want our own desks, okay?) Next up is the idea of taking masturbation breaks during working hours. Yep, you read that right – a recent article by Ravishly has declared self-love as the new smoking break. Why? A Time Out survey found that 39% of the New York men it questioned admitted to masturbating while at work – and in 2012, a Glamour survey suggested 31% of its readers have done so too.

I’ll admit something: I’ve never done this. It’s not because I don’t want to all the time, but it’s because Portnoy’s little fun factory is a factory of horror for the employees. I’m scared to even shit here because I’m convinced that while he claims the bathrooms don’t have cameras, they actually do. It’s the one place he wants us to feel safe so he can get some dirt on us. Basically, a Barstool bathroom is a Scientology E-meter audit room.

But just because I haven’t done it doesn’t mean I can’t admit that this is a fantastic idea. In fact, if there wasn’t such a stigma attached to walking in and out then I’d say “Masturbation Rooms” should be a standard in corporate America. You simply can’t complete a task if you get horny at your desk. It’s a block that’s impossible to get around. Mental, physical, all of it shuts down. Getting horny is like putting diesel in your unleaded tank, the whole system seizes up. You want more productivity? You want to MAGA? Rooms filled with cum. Boom goes the business.