Map Of America's Favorite Beers And Shots Really Pisses Me Off

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Blue Moon is America’s favorite beer? Bullshit. I’ve never met a single person in my entire life who would say their favorite beer is a Blue Moon. Not a one. If your favorite beer is anything but a Bud, Bud Light, Coors Light or a Miller Lite then you’re an asshole. Simple as that. Am I saying that I hate Coronas and Blue Moons, or that I don’t enjoy a Sam Adams or a Yuengling? No, I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying if those are your favorite beers, then fuck you. Be normal. Have a simple favorite. Something that’s a standard everywhere you go. Saying a Yuengling is your favorite beer is like saying sushi is your favorite food. There’s no need to be so fucking unique, like a cheeseburger or pizza. Like Budweiser or Coors. Otherwise everyone just thinks you’re a pretentious dick who thinks their palate is far more cultured than the rest of the world.

Oh and the favorite shots is just horrific. Half the fucking country loves Lemon Drops. Are we a bunch of Woo Girls? Everyone just get their bid from Kappa Kappa Gamma? Who the fuck orders Lemon Drops? Or Jolly Ranchers or Cherry Bombs or Kamikazes? You better have a menstrual cycle if you do. And that’s coming from a guy who HATES people who bag on others’ drink orders. But if you’ve got a set of nuts and you’re making a bartender use a shaker to make you a shot, kindly leave. If you have any respect for yourself as a man you only order straight alcohol or Fireball. That’s it.

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