Looks Like I’m In Good Company With My Ice Cream Eating Habits…Larry Bird Claims He Ate 10 Gallons of Ice Cream and 7 Wedding Cakes In 2 Weeks

Yahoo – Famed sportswriter and Basketball Hall of Famer Jack McCallum detailed the travails of the 90-91 Celtics team moving uneasily into middle age. Bird was also dealing with a painful back injury that limited his effectiveness, one that forced him into paying attention to his fighting trim for the first time in his career. In the excerpt, McCallum details the 34-year old Bird’s battle with the bulge, in the wake of missing nearly the entire 1988-89 season with Achilles’ issues.

“I think I wanna be active,” said Bird. “What I might do, though, is git in shape, git outta shape, then git in shape again. I won’t do it like I used to, though. It’s gittin’ tougher. Three years ago I could lose fifteen pounds like nuthin’. Now? I don’t know if I could.” He had put on a few pounds when he was out of action, but he wasn’t sure how many. “I was so bored, I’d set around the house, drive my wife crazy, and eat and eat. In two and a half weeks I was off I ate ten gallons of ice cream and seven weddin’ cakes. Why them? I ate weddin’ cakes ’cause you knew they was gonna be good. I mean, who would [eff] up a weddin’ cake?”

My math is so bad. What does 10 gallons of ice cream in 2 weeks equate to? (Give me a second to do some quick research) OK I think it’s 2.8 quarts per day right? So Larry was eating almost 3 of those Brighams per day? That’s insanity. Makes me look like starving Ethiopian child. And where do you even get 7 wedding cakes from? That’s a rhetorical question by the way. There is no answer for that. Nobody has access to 7 wedding cakes in 2 weeks except Larry. Don’t ask me how he did I just know he did. Larry doesn’t exaggerate. He always tells the truth.

Either way this story settles it. I’m done working out. First Lady made me go to the gym yesterday. Forced me to do it or else she said she wouldn’t make me dinner. Then she fucking had the audacity to sneaky tape me running and tweet it out to the world. I know for a fact I was going faster than this video seems to imply so I don’t know what happened. Either way I’m done being healthy. Being healthy is poor people shit.

Land speed record right there from Renee Portnoy on Vimeo.