Lawsuit Claims Cheap Wines Are All Full of Arsenic

SOURCE – Dozens of cheap and popular California wines are tainted with dangerously high levels of arsenic, claims a new lawsuit filed this week. Twenty-eight California wineries were listed in the complaint, which is asking for a halt in production of the wines in question. The lawsuit was filed by four individual Southern California wine consumers who, according to their attorney Brian Kabateck, had 1,306 wines tested at a Denver-based laboratory and then confirmed results with two additional laboratories. Kabateck said 83 wines, almost all of which sell for below $10 a bottle, contained arsenic levels 10 parts per billion above the range considered safe for drinking water. The labels include Beringer, Charles Shaw, Cupcake, Flipflop, Franzia, Korbel, Menage A Trois, Sutter Home.

This is a goddamn catastrophe. As every early to mid-20s year old with student loans, a shitty job, and a girlfriend will tell you, cheap wine is the lifeblood of any relationship you may have. Chuck Shaw is our savior, and we worship at his altar. He brings joy, he goes with any meal, and he gets you and your significant other tipsy enough that (a) she may actually have sex with you and (b) you might break the hallowed (some might say mythical) 4-minute mark. It’s either that or you’ll both pass out watching Netflix at 9:45 and then have weird dreams that take place in New York and feature an overly enthusiastic Ellie Kemper a bald, gay black man. Regardless of which scenario takes place, you’ve just had yourself a fantastic night.

I refuse to believe that a product that brings such good to the world can be so bad. Really break it down to its simplest pieces: you expect me to believe all this time we’ve been drinking two bottles of Menage A Trois Red between two people because it pairs well with the Ortega taco kit we were having for dinner it’s actually been bad for us? That’s the kind of heresy that I just refuse to hear.