John McAfee Told The World How To Crack An iPhone, So Your Girlfriend Will Be Reading Yours Tonight
According to John McAfee, a world-renowned sane and normal man, it’s this simple to crack an iPhone:
1. Take apart the phone, copy the instruction set and memory.
2. Run a disassembler to turn it into readable instructions.
3. Read it, find access to the keypad. It’ll take 30 minutes.
Do I know what any of that means? No. Does it sound simple? It surely does not. Does it matter? Not even a little bit. Because your girlfriend will figure all that shit out by the weekend. Remember after Deflategate when Belichick became a scientist overnight? That’s what your girls about to do. Chicks around the country are about to get wired in, learn code and learn how to use a screwdriver, then they’ll be reading your shit in no time. They’ve already got the tiny, Asian hands so learning how to deconstruct an iPhone will be quick work for them. You know when you come back from the bathroom and your phone is upside down, not in the place you left it, with the backscreen lit and they’re staring at you like a puppy who pissed on the carpet? Giving you those, “What? What did I do?” eyes? That’s child’s play compared to what we’re dealing with now. You’ll wake up at 3 AM and she’ll be wearing bifocals, performing surgery on the nightstand in order to get into that thing. It’s a new world we’re in now, gentlemen, a world where 0000 or your high school number twice is no longer an uncrackable code. Go home and put your iPhone into a blender, live off the grid from here on out, because chicks absolutely will make those seemingly difficult instructions extraordinarily useful.
PS – I was hooking up with a girl once who straight up got her ex’s emails sent to her phone. Hacked his shit somehow and got everything he did at the same time. Girls are so diabolical she wasn’t even embarrassed about it or anything, thought it was hysterical and told everyone. That’s the kind of beast McAfee just taught how to hack.