Jews or Catholics- Who ya got? The weekly Barstool Ombudsman column

Welcome back to the weekly ombudsman column where we sit down and address the biggest controverses that Barstool Sports has gotten itself into over the course of the past week and take your email questions. As always if you have any questons, comments, or concerns feel free to send them to BarstoolOmbudsman@Gmail.com.

This week the biggest controversy stemmed from the Rundown where Dave (whose Jewish) and KFC (a Catholic) were discussing which the best religion in the world was- Judaism or Catholicsim, which later manifested itself in this tweet from KFC, which stirred up alot of controversy:

Before we get to addressing the tweet itself, lets take a look at the agrument surrounding it for context: Judaism verse Catholicism. In the first place, you couldn’t of picked any two religions that are more similar. As far as I know the only difference between the Catholicism and Judaism is the sugar content of the wine that you abuse and the day of the week that your supposed to pretend that you dont masturbate on. So in order to make a informed decision about which religion is actually the best, lets go to the tale of the tape:

Famous Celebrities:

• Judaism- Albert Einstein, Mel Brooks, Natalie Portman, Julian Edelman, Jesus Christ
• Catholicism- Jimmy Fallon, Fergie, JFK, Bruce Springsteen, Hitler

Advantage: Judaism

Age:

• Judaism has only been around for 3500 years, or roughly the equivlant of one full Catholic mass

Advantage: Catholicism

Savior:

• Judaism- He should be here any day now I dont know whats taking him so long.
• Catholicism- It’s Jesus. Now that’ll be $8 billion dollars please.

Advantage: Catholicism

Do their religious services take place during NFL games:

• Judaism: No
• Catholicism: Yes. All the time. Every week.

Advantage: Judaism

Tiebraker: Dave signs my paychecks. Is he Jewish or Catholic? 

Advantage: Judaism

So it looks like Judaism has just barely edged Catholicism out, to use a horse racing analogy, by the skin of its teeth.

In Conclusion: The real bottom line here is that its never a good look to go after Jewish people on Easter. Your whole religion is based on the fact that you believe you took their best player and started a dynasty with him, so mocking them is basically spiking the ball in your opponets face after you just won the Super Bowl. The Celtics didnt tweet at the Timberwolves after KG got his ring, so it honestly seems a bit unsporting for KFC to basically put the crying MJ face on Judas on the day of Christianties biggest comeback win of the year. If theres one lesson we can take from the second birth of Jesus Christ its to act like you’ve been there before.

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Now lets get to your questions:

I noticed Hank or someone put up a bunch of archived barstool videos on the YouTube page, as great as this flash flood of content is I have a complaint. Why have they not been doing this everyday to provide the illusion to me that there was new content. I feel like I got jipped of the elation of seeing so much new content everyday, I wish they would just release all their videos to the YouTube page everyday at the beginning of the day and then delete them at the end of the day and start the cycle over so we all get that high of being the first to see new content everyday.

2nd complaint the people on my flight thought I was crying like a weak man (which I am not) because I was trying to hold back joyous tears of laughter hearing you and Big Cat talk about how Football guys like Harbaugh are just like cats that need food to be left outside the door before they go back to the film room.

PS: keep up the good work

-Kevin

First of all I love how the automatic assumption is that Hank has his hands in everything behind the scenes. Youtube channel flooded w/content? Thats Hank for you. Feitlberg have rabies? Classic Hen Ease. Hank has become the David Stern of Barstool in terms of how much monkey-busness people think he is capable of, but the realty is he is too busy producing a soon-to-be grammy award-winning podcast to be goofing around with uploading& deleting youtubes every day.

To address your second question, I don’t really see a complaint there. Babes love a guy who isnt afraid to show emotion publically. It dosen’t matter if that emotion is happiness, hatred, horniness, or fear. Chicks just love to see someone who isn’t afraid to be who they are- and in your case- you were just a guy who liked to live, laugh, and love. So what you should of done is set your Tinder range to 75 feet and hit every lady on that damn airplane with a “Sup?” and cashed in on your outburst.

Thirdly- Kevin if your going to suck up to me at least do it right. There is nothing “good” about my work. Its ether terrible, or it is strong.

Long time reader, first time commenter here. I just wanted to know why more time wasn’t devoted to the recent death of Toronto mayor Rob Ford (peace be upon him)? I feel that, with respect to sports, Rob Ford was instrumental in spreading the game of football. During Ford’s tenure, Toronto had a yearly NFL game played there, now they dont. People forget that. Was hoping you could shed light on the issue.

Keep up the strong work,

-Alex