Jaromir Jagr: My New Hero (plus the Greatest Moments by Athletes Over the Age of 40)
I have to admit I was skeptical when the Bruins missed out on the 35 year old in a trade so they worked one for the 41 year old instead. But the stat sheet don’t lie. Jaromir Jagr leads the Bruins in goals, power play goals and is not far off the lead in points. Shame on anyone for doubting him, but especially me. As the only over-40 member of the Barstool universe, who finds himself surrounded by college kids who call him “old man” on a daily basis and question how I’m qualified to write for an audience who can’t get through a sentence without using the word “bro,” far be it for me to question a member of my own generation like Jagr. Instead, I’m making him my new athletic hero. Because if there’s one thing Boston has lacked for years now, it’s a great over-40 athlete. Sure, we had novelties like Vinny Testaverde coming in to throw a touchdown pass for the 20th straight year and Doug Flutie’s dropkick. You could go back to Yaz, but by the time he hit 40 he was a shell of himself. So we’ve never really had that 40+ guy with lots of miles still left in his engine who could be the superstar to inspire us (slightly) older guys.
So in honor of what Jagr did last night and hopefully will do going forward the rest of the season, the Best Moments by Athletes Over the Age of 40:
6. Randy Couture
In 2006 Couture came out of retirement from the UFC. By 2007 he was recapturing the Heavyweight title at age 44. And all you whippersnappers out there need to keep in mind that he’s older than am I.
5. Dara Torres
At age 41 Torres made the 2008 US Olympic Swim team. I don’t know if she won any medals, nor do I care. The fact that she made her way into the twisted MILF fantasies of every man in America puts her on this list.
4. George Foreman
At age 45 Foreman beat Michael Moorer to win the IBF and WBA titles. It was 20 years after he lost his first belt to Muhammed Ali. Not only was he the oldest champ ever, that was the longest gap between championships ever and since that young punk Moorer was 19 years younger than him, the widest age disparity in a match ever. Good: The win sold a lot of Lean, Mean, Fat-Burning Machines. Bad: It inspired Rocky Balboa.
3. Jack Nicklaus
At 46 Nicklaus shocked the world by coming from 4 shots down on Sunday to win the Masters, his 18th major. It was a testament to what a golfer can do it he keeps working at his game, stays in shape and doesn’t spend all his off time trying to get anal from porn skanks.
2. Gordie Howe
At the age of 50 Howe had 96 Points in 76 Games with the Whale Tails. More impressively, between the regular season and playoffs he had 100 penalty minutes. That’s a lot of Gordie Howe Hat Tricks in there for a guy who at that age was getting an annual prostate exam.
1. Nolan Ryan
Way more impressive than his 2 post-40 No Hitters was Ryan’s beatdown of that little bitch Robin Ventura, who charged the mound against a man 20 years his senior and got more than he bargained for. Ryan said afterward he did to Ventura what he’d done to countless steer on his cattle ranch. The kid made the mistake a lot of young fake tough guys do: he messed with the old bull, and he got the horns. Let what Jagr’s doing and what all these other great, over-40s did… and what I do here every day… be a lesson to you all. Old man, my ass…
@JerryThornton1