In Defense of Apple Picking

GET UP BIG MAN!

So KFC just wrote that blog about how stupid apple picking is. You know who is stupid? KFC. I already wrote this blog back in like 2009 before computers even existed, but looks like I’m going to have to write it again.

First of all for single guys nothing beats Apple Picking in terms of a date option. It offers the perfect amount of talking, competitiveness, doing shit, making fun of other people etc. Pack a picnic lunch, a bottle of wine and even Pirate Simon would have a hard time not getting his dick sucked.

Now as far as married people go this is the only day-date thing that the First Lady and I do together pretty much all year. This is it. It’s the only time I’m not sitting on the couch watching football from September to December. Do you know how much street cred it buys me? A ton. Like “Dave are you really still on the couch watching more football? Yes honey but remember we went Apple Picking a month ago.”

And guess what? Apple picking is fun and it makes me feel good about myself. The fresh crisp fall air is invigorating. Watching little kids try to go for apples that they can’t reach only to have me swoop in, take 1 bite and then drop it at their feet makes me feel like superman. Every apple I pick is perfect. Maybe KFC doesn’t like apple picking because he doesn’t have 1 competitive bone in his body. Or maybe he’s just a curmudgeon who doesn’t like life. But even if that’s the case I don’t get how he wouldn’t go just for the cider donuts. Those themselves should be reason enough. Plus you can bring your dog. Poor Duncan probably thinks cement is grass at this point. It’s just a good hearty American family activity. Not to mention the fact that I always pick my own pumpkin too and then when I get home by late 2nd quarter of the 3:30 games you get some baked pumpkin seeds.

Bottomline is Apple Picking is a great activity and I don’t even eat the apples. I just toss most of them in the trash, but that’s not the point. It’s the spectacle of it all. It’s the fresh air. It’s competition for apples. It’s fall.  Ever heard the expression “American as apple pie?” Wake up KFC cause that’s what apple picking is about. And it sure as hell beats any other non sitting on the couch couple activity I’ll have to do this year.