I'll Admit It, Trump Displaying Humongous Piles Of Empty Folders At His Conference Was A Pretty Savvy Move

Hey look, even as a Trump hater I’ve gotta tip my cap here. I used to do this shit as a kid and I’ve gotta admit, I respect this. This is Costanza-esque lying. You don’t think I turned over my company to my kid and signed thousands and thousands of papers? Look, I’ve brought some, only some, of them! They’re all stacked up as high as the eye can see! Just take a gander, how could I possibly be lying? I’ve brought them. What’s that? Oh no. No, no, no. You can’t open the folders that suspiciously look like they’re stuffed with blank pages and are inexplicably unlabeled because that kinda seems like the point of a folder. I can’t allow that. But I swear, these are them! I can’t tell if this is one less or more crazy than driving to the Hamptons to see the solarium, Snoopy, and Prickly Pete but it’s definitely out there.

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I know Trump is a fan of the playground insults but even I’m a little surprised that he’s busting out these childlike lies. This is the political version of telling your mom you cleaned your room, assuring her it’s not all stuffed in the closet, then refusing to open the closet when she asked to see. It’s bringing your high school paper that you didn’t write on a thumb drive and telling your teacher your printer broke, then when she says you can use the one in the library you pretend the drive isn’t working. All shit we’ve done. Granted, we weren’t about to be president, but the point stands. Such a wild move that I almost, regretfully, kinda respect it.

PS – In other Trump news he had to get a fucking cover band to play his Inaugural Ball. That’s the saddest sentence I’ve ever typed. If you hire a cover band for your wedding you’re a fucking lame, needing one for your inaugural ball because everyone else hates you is pathetic.